I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?' — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
