Normal Job Quotes by Daniel Tosh

Throwing a McDouble in the air at a fat camp and shouting, LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!

— Daniel Tosh

Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.

— Daniel Tosh

I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

— Daniel Tosh

I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid…

— Daniel Tosh

Here's what I tell people now when they come to my shows: 'First of all, thank you for stimulating the economy, or at least…

— Daniel Tosh

Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.

— Daniel Tosh

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world…

— Daniel Tosh

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I enjoy watching…

— Daniel Tosh

If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.

— Daniel Tosh

You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole…

— Daniel Tosh

I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not…

— Daniel Tosh

I'll do anything usually if there's money involved and little work.

— Daniel Tosh

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

— Daniel Tosh

I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked.…

— Daniel Tosh

The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.

— Daniel Tosh