We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I urge all our listeners to masturbate. Right now. Because it takes the wind right out of the sex drive. We don't want rapists going into society half-cocked and ready to go. If they masturbate, they'll say, 'Uhh...I think I'll… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“One of the classier features of this home was the padded toilet seat. It was high-mileage puffy brown vinyl-colored foam and made that weird… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life...so, something that is potentially four months down the road is… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work,… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
“But our leaders can’t tell the truth. We won’t let them. We’ve created a society where the politicians aren’t allowed to criticize the people.… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
