Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Coolidge has the best idea on this farm relief. He said, 'Farmers, you are in a hole. I can't help you, but… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Wine had such ill effects on Noah's health that it was all he could do to live 950 years. Show me a… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The reason political party platforms are so long is that when you straddle anything it takes a long time to explain it. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
A king can stand people's fighting but he can't last long if people start thinking. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The high income tax come pretty near passing in the Senate. Only lacked about six votes. So it won't be long now.… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I don't know how a lot of these nations existed as long as they have till we could get some of our… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I am a great believer in high-priced people. If a thing cost a lot it may not be any better, but it… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I arrived at my hut in Beverly Hills just in time to keep real estate men from plotting off and selling my… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The government sent the Indians to Oklahoma. They had a treaty that said, 'You shall have this land as long as grass… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Old Hollywood is just like a desert water in Africa. Hang around long enough and every kind of animal in the world… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
When a fellow ain't got much mind, it don't take him long to make it up. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The minute a thing is long and complicated, it confuses. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
George Bernard Shaw of England stopped over just long enough to make one speech in Bombay, India, started a war and 100… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Say, this new home building idea of President Hoover's sounds good. They are working out a lot of beneficial things. The only… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
We had a great lunch. Senator Capper paid for it. The Republican pays, as usual. And everything that the Democrats are doin'… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
All one has to do to get one's stuff in the Congressional Record is to find a stenographer that can stay awake… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
We are always saying: Let the Law take its Course but what we really mean is: Let the Law take OUR Course. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt where money is concerned. It's only in the amount where the Republicans excel. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
There are two things I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony, and the other is… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. You've got to work on his conscience. And his lack… — Will Rogers Copy Share Image
