I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
My mom just told me it's impossible to know what's going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
The other day my twelve-year-old says to me, I don't feel like I'm with you right now. You're in the car with… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Met a girl the other nite and told her- Before you can be with someone you have to know the value of… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
My girlfriend just told me I am one of the smartest people she knows. I told her, You need to meet other… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person? — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv,… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
