I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person? — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies? — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny,… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
My haircutter figured out I whine less if I'm under general anesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven't given me… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to talk R-rated. I… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you're a host of a video show and you're on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person? — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts. — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv,… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
Now people want what the movie was about, which is violent comedy. And that's really what The Aristocrats is based on - what will… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House… — Bob Saget Copy Share Image
