Jokes Instead Quotes by Bob Hope

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

— Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

— Bob Hope

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at…

— Bob Hope

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

— Bob Hope

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

— Bob Hope

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

— Bob Hope

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

— Bob Hope

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty…

— Bob Hope

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

— Bob Hope

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the…

— Bob Hope

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

— Bob Hope

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

— Bob Hope