The joke's on them. One little hypodermic wont' be enough. Split a piece of wood, and they'll find me. Lift up a… — Jodi Picoult Copy Share Image
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
Any private security is a joke in a country where youre up against your own government. — Bidzina Ivanishvili Copy Share Image
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
With the Tonys it's a little tricky because a lot of the funnier jokes are more insider, so people watching at home… — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
My mother doesn't cook; my grandmother didn't cook. Her kids were raised by servants. They would joke about Sunday night dinner. It… — Katharine Weymouth Copy Share Image
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed.… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
Everybody in my family had a real sick, twisted sense of humor. Most of the jokes we make in our house, we… — Seth MacFarlane Copy Share Image
In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I try not to be mean for the sake of being mean, and if I do do a joke or a tweet… — Brad Williams Copy Share Image
I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so I killed him. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've found great virtue in two-thirds of the way into the message; right before I'm really want to nail home a point,… — Max Lucado Copy Share Image
You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Either over neither, both over either/or, live-and-let-live over stand-or die, high spirits over low, energy over apathy, wit over dullness, jokes over… — Marvin Mudrick Copy Share Image
After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My joke is a picture of David Bowie on his balcony in the '70s in a suit in Paris, and unless that's… — Jen Kirkman Copy Share Image
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“So...Rayna and Nico," he said. "From the secon she saw him," I agreed. "They seem good together," Ben said. Then he smiled,… — Hilary Duff Copy Share Image
I typically start out almost every speech I give making some kind of joke about me being in a wheelchair. — Greg Abbott Copy Share Image
When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots… — Richard Lewis Copy Share Image
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
