May I take your order, sir? the waiter asked. Yes. How do you prepare your chickens? Nothing special, sir, he replied. We… — Troublemaker Copy Share Image
I've always been a fan at home. That's the one joke I have with Sam [Champion]. "I've always loved you! I remember… — Chris Cuomo Copy Share Image
Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I… — Fyodor Dostoevsky Copy Share Image
I always joke that every novel is really about the same thing: one person's struggle against society. — Joshua Mohr Copy Share Image
I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you… — Chris Baio Copy Share Image
Let's never be stupid again. WAIT! Lets always be stupid! Forever! — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
If I want to keep working as an actor, I'm going to become a comedian who does fart jokes. — Peter Sarsgaard Copy Share Image
“To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I've just done a movie - Albino Alligator - with Viggo Mortensen, who's an actor I idolize. He influenced me in a… — Skeet Ulrich Copy Share Image
If you do something that is not gags and punchlines and is character-based, where there are no jokes as such, then it… — Darren Boyd Copy Share Image
Life is too important to be taken as a joke, but too ridiculous to be taken seriously. — Ashleigh Brilliant Copy Share Image
The hoary joke in the literary world, based on 'Dreams From My Father,' was that if things had worked out differently for… — James Fallows Copy Share Image
I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
No matter where they are or who they're with, dogs are incapable of being anything but themselves. Show me a dog that… — Meghan Daum Copy Share Image
Take any country that has laws against hate crimes, inspiring hatred and genocide and so on. The first thing they would do… — Noam Chomsky Copy Share Image
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical,… — Alan King Copy Share Image
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
I like Jacques Derrida; I think he's funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
At the same time, we can't blame comedians for taking time to learn. Any critic of comedy who believes that he has… — Guy Branum Copy Share Image
I have no skills. I mean, I can make jokes, I'm pretty good at talking to people on the Judge John Hodgman… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
Death," said Akiva. His life was leaving him fast now that he no longer held his wound. His eyes just wanted to… — Laini Taylor Copy Share Image
I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Christianity seems at first to be all about morality, all about duties and rules and guilt and virtue, yet it leads you… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
