We often joke about men moaning about being ill, whether it's man flu or anything else. We want them to be silent… — Matt Haig Copy Share Image
I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things,… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
I'll go through many things for you. Let's start with your bank account. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's a dystopian world where things aren't connected. But life feels light when we can communicate, joke or laugh on ourselves. — Ashish Vidyarthi Copy Share Image
My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I remember when I first walked into an American locker room, and no one had ever seen a 130-pound wrestler before. Those… — Rey Mysterio Copy Share Image
There was a joke going around campus when I was at Washington State. It went, 'What's the difference between God and Ryan… — Ryan Leaf Copy Share Image
Last Friday night, I Twitted a photograph of myself that I intended to send as a direct message as part of a… — Anthony Weiner Copy Share Image
I think I'm a good joke writer. I'm also very scared that the last joke I wrote is the last joke I'll… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
The joke we always say is that WWE doesn't pay us to wrestle, they pay us to travel. — Seth Rollins Copy Share Image
Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on… — Hank Azaria Copy Share Image
“Meanwhile, Milo had been in the Senate on that day until it was dismissed and then came home. He changed out of… — Cicero Copy Share Image
There used to be an old bad joke. I hope it's not so much a good joke anymore. 'Everybody's from Scranton; no… — Joe Biden Copy Share Image
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.'… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
The media circus got a bit twisted when I was in London. It became a bit of a joke, really. In Paris,… — Pete Doherty Copy Share Image
You know, when I was a kid, I used to cry every day, like, when I was like, you know, 7 through… — Neal Brennan Copy Share Image
The Pakistan Cricket Board is a long-standing joke, its chairmen replaced with every change of government. — Tariq Ali Copy Share Image
Sometimes a joke that's not working is just as hilarious as one that does. — Deon Cole Copy Share Image
The old joke in my family is that the last person who isn't from New York was coming from Russia. — Emory Cohen Copy Share Image
You're going to get flak if you tell the wrong joke, but it's still the wrong joke. Give the wrong speech, you… — Brad Paisley Copy Share Image
Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you… — Gilbert Gottfried Copy Share Image
I have friends growing up in Egypt. I have friends in England. And they just can't believe that what I used to… — Luol Deng Copy Share Image
