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Alonzo Bodden

(1962) Actor

29 quotes in 208 categories

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Alonzo Bodden is an actor.

Quick Facts About Alonzo Bodden

Born: June 13, 1962
Profession: Actor

About Alonzo Bodden

[Wikidata] American actor and comedian... | [Wikipedia] Alonzo Bodden is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and former political commentator. In 2004, he won NBC's reality competition TV show Last Comic Standing in its third season after being the runner-up in its second season earlier in the year. Bodden debuted his comedy album in 2001, and h

Quotes by Alonzo Bodden

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

Boat

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I could always make people laugh.

Laughing

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I wasn't always a comic, I used to do honest work.

Comic

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I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

Black

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I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

Angry

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Scientists are trying to invent Viagra for women. It's been along for years... it's called cash.

Cash

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Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

Destroy

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I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

Burning

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I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

Airplane

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In a relationship you have to communicate, which means listening to her talk. Ladies, you fake orgasms. We fake listening.

Communicate

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You can't bring tweezers on an airplane. If I'm on a plane and you try to hijack it with tweezers, I'll whip…

Airplane

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I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to…

Chicks

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They sold me a duvet cover, and I don't have a duvet, I don't think. Then, they started treating me like I'm…

Comforter

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I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. You talk to a couple of NASCAR fans and you'll see where…

Car

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There are three goals for any comedian: to make a living as a comedian; I've been fortunate to do that. To make…

Comedian

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I ride because there’s nothing like in the world. It’s a passion. It’s something I absolutely have to do and I can…

I can

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Comedy is the drug, when they laugh it's like I'm a jazz musician and they hear it, and they get it. It's…

Beautiful

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The difference, generally speaking, between sportbike people and cruiser people is that sportbike people like performance skill and wear safety gear; cruisers…

Bike

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Black people don't hijack planes, alright? Now I'll be the first to admit, we steal a lot of stuff, but we do…

Airplane

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Watching news showing all the same sex marriages. How long before first same sex divorce?

Divorce

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Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

Home

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A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh,…

Comedy

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I was teaching airplane mechanics when I realized it was more fun to make them laugh. I was laid off one more…

Airplane

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There's always something that's going to kill us all. A few years ago, tomatoes were going to kill us and a few…

Fda

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I work out with alot of gay guys at the gym. I do, because my only goal is to get into gay…

Blow

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Latinos outnumber Black people now. I'm not too happy about it. Because it's only a matter of time before we lose our…

Black

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I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV.…

Asian

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I'm a black male, over 40, with no kids, living in the suburbs - they wanted to put me in a museum.…

Black

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We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra…

Bomb

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