“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When your time is good, your mistakes r taken as a joke. But When your time is bad, even your jokes r… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This summer time in England has been like a dreaded one-night stand... Not very hot, extremely wet and gone before you know… — Ryan Swain Copy Share Image
Girlfriend: Baby, I'm Pregnant. What Do You Want It To Be? . . . . . . Boyfriend: A Joke. — Shadawcatt Copy Share Image
“For with dandies, a joke is the only way of making yourself respected.” — Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly Copy Share Image
“Even if it’s a really funny joke, don’t laugh if the devil’s the one telling it!” — Sean Patrick Brennan Copy Share Image
We didn't have electricity when I was a kid. We had to watch TV by candlelight. No, that's a silly joke. — Glen Campbell Copy Share Image
I learned a long time ago from when I did 'Seinfeld' never to take anything seriously, and to be part of the… — Marlee Matlin Copy Share Image
“It's funny that when the one person you live for is ripped out of your life you can still find a way… — Cassia Leo Copy Share Image
“It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about… — Charles Willeford Copy Share Image
I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through… — Richard Drew Copy Share Image
I have a teenage daughter and a 10-year-old daughter. Things are pink and fluffy at my house, with two little dogs. It's… — Duff McKagan Copy Share Image
What do you suppose is the use of a child without any meaning? Even a joke should have some meaning-- and a… — Lewis Carroll Copy Share Image
Dan Brown and the 'Da Vinci Code' have been around well over a decade now, and to be perfectly honest, both he… — Michelle Dean Copy Share Image
I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say "tomatoes", then I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“I just think it's fortunate that Sir Isaac Newton didn't share the sense of humor of a member of the public, because… — Stewart Lee Copy Share Image
To this day, to this very day, except for television, I've never had a writer. Anything I've ever done on the stage,… — Don Rickles Copy Share Image
Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
I am so pathetic with machines in real life, it's not a joke. I'd rather walk, or even run, than take the… — Bipasha Basu Copy Share Image
“I think my heart is defective," Jillian says. I have to force myself to smile Jan looks at me. I get the… — Heather Hepler Copy Share Image
“There are things you haven’t thought of in centuries.” I waited for the joke, then realized he was serious. Apparently our break… — Angela Corbett Copy Share Image
When I was a kid and getting paid to stand in front of a camera. I used to spend a lot of… — Sterling Hayden Copy Share Image
“I heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in… — Alan Moore Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about. — Alexander Ovechkin Copy Share Image
“He who makes fun of a short and fat man’s weight is much less cruel than he who makes fun of his… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I know when it's time to joke and when it's time to be serious. As far as football goes, I'm serious. — Jason Pierre-Paul Copy Share Image
'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style. — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
I joke that I was basically born and raised in airports. I feel most at home at JFK. — Suleika Jaouad Copy Share Image
It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut. — William Shakespeare Copy Share Image
I thought that everyone would just think I was a bit of a joke as a writer. — Georgia Toffolo Copy Share Image
There is nothing in the world so incomprehensible as the joke we do not see. — Agnes Repplier Copy Share Image
It doesn't feel like you're preaching, if you can say something in a joke. — Martin McDonagh Copy Share Image
A lot of the joke of 'The Windsors' is this ridiculous idea of what might happen behind closed doors. — Hugh Skinner Copy Share Image
My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world. — Muhammad Ali Copy Share Image
You always disappoint me. its kinda like our own inside joke, except its not funny. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's just that I was thinking you don't ride in that truck of yours, you wear it.” — Stephen King Copy Share Image
