As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
'Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.' I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Human beings seem to be a poor invention. If they are the noblest works of God where is the ignoblest? — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the metrics you are looking at aren't useful in optimizing your strategy - stop looking at them. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we read the words and attitudes of the past through the pompous "wisdom" of the considered moral judgments of the present,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Well, my book is written-let it go. But if it were only to write over again there wouldn't be so many things… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If they [the dead] should speak, it would be found that in matters of opinion no departed person was exactly what he… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Where was the use, originally, in rushing this whole globe through in six days? It is likely that if more time had… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
But that's always the way; it don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence;… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We chase phantoms half the days of our lives. It is well if we learn wisdom even then, and save the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wantedotherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Franklin said once in one of his inspired flights of malignity-- Early to bed and early to rise Make a man healthy… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There will never be a "perfect" time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The self taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
![“If they [the dead] should speak, it would be found that in matters of opinion no departed person was exactly what he had passed for in life. They would realise, deep down, that they, and whole nations along with them, are not really what they seem to be-and never can be.” quote by Mark Twain](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/78e/mark-twain-22_dead_if-they-the-dead-should-speak-it-would-b_285979.jpg)
