If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it,… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I'm endlessly amazed by what people are capable of, and incapable of. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I like to be able to connect with people. And that's how I connect, right away. I like to really talk to somebody. To… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
