“What’s your favourite position?” “I usually play winger.” “Zach, I adore you, but you can’t make soccer jokes during phone sex. It… — Tiffany Reisz Copy Share Image
“Foxbrush sneezed again. He couldn't help himself. It's not something a fellow likes to do when a stunningly beautiful woman is leaning… — Anne Elisabeth Stengl Copy Share Image
“It rained; then it snowed, and the snow stayed on the paved ground for long enough to become evenly blacked with soot… — William Gaddis Copy Share Image
“I make my way back whistling. Gerry nods towards Mrs Brady who is standing beside the trolleys. Morning, Mrs Brady, I say… — Dermot Healy Copy Share Image
“Well, Arminius, I can’t say you’re the most natural horseman I’ve ever seen.’ Arminius sneered down at the men standing around him,… — Anthony Riches Copy Share Image
“Live snakes? ' said one of the scribes. 'You mean-' 'Yeah,' said Locke. 'They've got scales, they slither around - snakes. Keep… — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
“Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you… — Ben Edlund Copy Share Image
Probably there is an imperceptible touch of something permanent that one feels instinctively to adhere to true humour, whereas wit may be… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
“I'm so lucky to have a family, adopted or not! I'm so lucky to be alive!" Judy Ellis Taylor tells her three… — Shireen Jeejeebhoy Copy Share Image
“It was all I could do to stop my cunt from coming round to see you without me.' 'Who's Mike Hunt?” — Linda Banana Copy Share Image
“Jake's in trouble.' Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?' 'He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think… — Sharon Sant Copy Share Image
“Wolfe still paid no attention to me. As a matter of fact, I didn't expect him to, since he was busy taking… — Rex Stout Copy Share Image
“You're Ma's own blood son, but did she take on that time Tony Fontaine shot you in the leg? No, she just… — Margaret Mitchell Copy Share Image
“Of the 2,639,857 faggots in the New York city area, 2,639,857 think primarily with their cocks. You didn't know that the cock… — Larry Kramer Copy Share Image
“Now, whatever you do, don't say anything, because no one must know that Liberace is gay." "Excuse me?" I said. "I'm eight.… — Alison Arngrim Copy Share Image
“We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Never a dull moment,” he muttered. They’d been flash and bang from the first moment they’d met. “Yeah, well, if you weren’t… — Abigail Roux & Madeleine Urban Copy Share Image
“...and thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You got someone else courting you?" "No." The fork she'd been scrubbing slid from her hand, returning to the murky depths. "But… — Karen Witemeyer Copy Share Image
“I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!” — Greg Curtis Copy Share Image
“So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase... I merely obliged her by running.” — D.D. Chant Copy Share Image
“Try not to move around too much so you don't bleed again. The bandages aren't that thick and blood will soak through… — Susan ee Copy Share Image
“I Brought My Grandma's Teeth to School I brought my grandma’s teeth to school to share for show-and-tell. Billy showed his sneakers.… — Robert Pottle Copy Share Image
It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can… — Diana Wynne Jones Copy Share Image
“I really hope he shapes up, you know? He’s got a good head on his shoulders when he’s not trying to give… — Hailey Abbott Copy Share Image
“I remember calling the council's cemetery department to ask about body decomposition in different soil types. Once they had verified that I… — Sara Sheridan Copy Share Image
'Downton' is one of the best jobs in the world, and I'm looking forward to the next series for Maggie Smith's wicked… — Samantha Bond Copy Share Image
“My philosophy in life is to eat, drink and investigate - in that order.” — Mel Healy Copy Share Image
“There is nothing good in the devil and there is nothing bad in God and with God all things are possible .… — Patience Johnson Copy Share Image
“I Will Not Tease Rebecca Grimes I have to write one hundred times: "I will not tease Rebecca Grimes." Okay, that's one.… — Dave Crawley Copy Share Image
“Sarah is the most enthusiastic cynical person on the planet. She’d be the perfect cheerleader if she weren’t so disgusted by the… — Jandy Nelson Copy Share Image
“I knew that I was talented. I was positive about that. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was talented at, but I… — Sara Sheridan Copy Share Image
The cause of laughter is simply the sudden perception of the incongruity between a concept and the real project. — Arthur Schopenhauer Copy Share Image
“I'm pretty much awake now." (P) "The last time I said that, I passed out in the bathtub." (I) "I remember that.… — Bailey Cunningham Copy Share Image
Lincoln would be just like me. He wouldn't know what the hell to do. — George W. Norris Copy Share Image
