We Can Be Like Mc Donalds and Burger King; I'll Have It My Way, And You'll Be Lovin' It. — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.' — George Mikes Copy Share Image
Jesus is the author of faith, the provider of faith, and the object of faith. — Timothy Keller Copy Share Image
Brushing your teeth before having breakfast is like wiping your ass before having a shit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Salvation is an act of God. It is initiated by God, wrought by God, and sustained by God. — Billy Graham Copy Share Image
My car is so bad, I hit poles I'm not kidding I hit things all the times, I hit bushes it's really… — Selena Gomez Copy Share Image
“One person may look and only see a tree, whereas others may look and see a tree with leaves.” — Adrian Sandvaer Copy Share Image
Females: I'ma slap that b*tch when I see her, she got me f**ked up! *Girl walks past. She lucky she ain't look… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My dad's a very funny man when he gets going. I remember clearly, from a young age, thinking, 'I want to be… — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
Being funny was something I was doing before I understood what that even was. Now I'm making a career out of it. — Kayvan Novak Copy Share Image
Our consciousness wants to connect through struggle and even pain. So in a funny sort of way, vulnerability is attractive. — Zoe Buckman Copy Share Image
I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I came from a classical background, and I was teaching and earning a living out of music at a certain level, so… — Bryce Dessner Copy Share Image
“Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear: "I would rather eat… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I can do one or the other. Lovemaking or thinking. But not both at the same time. — Loretta Chase Copy Share Image
My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
Love is funny. Makes you happy, sad and do all sorts of things you never thought you'd do before. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I have to pee. 5%-Going to pee. 95%-Telling people you have to pee. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“We’re wasting time here. I’ve got a sweet ass to paddle. Some legs to spread…” — Starla Kaye Copy Share Image
Instagram what you think is funny and exciting and try not to include any animal abuse! — Lena Dunham Copy Share Image
Dear parents, we know money doesnt grow on trees, thats why we are asking you for it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out. — Margaret Cho Copy Share Image
Question: have you had a bf befor? Answer: Yepp and I currently have one — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Giving is living. If you stop wanting to give, there's nothing more to live for. — Audrey Hepburn Copy Share Image
