The state of life is most happy where superfluities are not required and necessities are not wanting. — Plutarch Copy Share Image
I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. — Mike Tyson Copy Share Image
Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it... — Marianne Williamson Copy Share Image
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!" — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone. — John C. Maxwell Copy Share Image
I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Beige flags are qualities you notice about someone who you spend a lot of time with. They are the distinct, even funny… — Brett Cooper Copy Share Image
There's a comedian, Paul Reiser, very funny. I remember reading his book when I first started comedy and I remember laughing like… — Nate Bargatze Copy Share Image
He's funny. he's adorable.he's sweet. he's loving. he's awkward. he's beautiful.he's awsome. he PERFECT!i didnt say a name but he popped into… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's something innately funny and warm about being Jewish. I think it's something to be embraced and respected. — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
Actually, all paths lead away from the truth...how's that? All paths. There's no such thing as a path to the truth. The… — Adyashanti Copy Share Image
Society is held together by duct tape and a lot of these fragile mechanisms are starting to break down. I have found… — Tim Dillon Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when the song you hate is stuck in your head. (happened to me with Rebecca Black's friday song-.-) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Kane narrowed his eyes. ‘Where have you been all this time, Caitlin?’ She could see the suspicion in his eyes, the accusation.… — Lindsay J. Pryor Copy Share Image
Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Katie purred in pleasure as she licked the beating vein in Jared’s neck.” — Jodie B. Cooper Copy Share Image
When I go into the studio, I'm strictly for business... I don't like any fooling around in the studio. — Otis Redding Copy Share Image
years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced. — John Cleese Copy Share Image
One of the weaknesses of our age is our apparent inability to distinguish our needs from our greeds. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When God saves you, he doesn’t do it because you gave him permission. He did it because he’s God. — Matt Chandler Copy Share Image
Anytime I have a hammer in hand,things all around me start to look like nail — Ace Kid Copy Share Image
Dear shirt, I fell in love with... I hate you. Sincerely, just saw the price tag. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Occasionally even young children should listen to the sword can not work hand and hand sword can not work — Mak_786 Copy Share Image
I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Every man has one thing he can do better than anyone else and usually its reading his own handwriting. — G Norman Collie Copy Share Image
I know you've been looking at porn if you're staring at the Google homepage when I walk in. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John. — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
I was no longer the centre of my life and therefore I could see God in everything. — Venerable Bede Copy Share Image
When I was younger I had everything handed to me on a plate... Soup was a nightmare — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It may be best to set aside the rest of May to apologize for what you're going to do this Cinco de… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Those from whom nature has withheld taste invented trousers. — Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin Copy Share Image
I was a lesbian for a semester at Wesleyan - it was a graduation requirement. — Ayelet Waldman Copy Share Image
The Really Annoying Moment Is That When Your Mom Sits Down Next To You, While You're On The Computer... — Pacifiersucker Copy Share Image
