Funny Quotes · Page 559

Forgiveness is discovering that what you thought happened, didn’t.

— Byron Katie

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

— George Carlin

I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.

— Anonymous

Reegan scowled at Cath. "Are you Zack, or are you Cody?".

— Rainbow Rowell

Sorry girl, I know you enjoy being single, but I am going to take that away from you.

— Anonymous

We are loved by Love itself. There is nothing good that we can't do.

— Maya Angelou

Screaming "Your not my real LADDER!" at your Step ladder.

— Anonymous

For the organic food, the less it's designed, the better it is

— Philippe Starck

I have a confession to make ever since I met u its been hard for me to 4get u every night I…

— A Josland

“Ancient Chinese proverb,” he said, heading toward the kitchen. “He who butt-fucks all night wakes up with sore asshole.”

— Brad Boney

“He bursts into tears, and not some manlike tears either, where you pretend you're brushing something off your face and, incidentally, wipe…

— Alex Flinn

Dont marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, youll regret…

— Azgraybebly Joslan

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office".…

— Henny Youngman

FOOL ne FOOLon ki FOOLWARI main FOOL ke saath wish kiya hai u r the most BEAUTIFOOL WONDERFOOL and ColorFOOL amngst all…

— Anonymous

“How do my boobs feel…? Um, fine?” I said with a shrug. “I’ve got to be honest, no one’s ever asked me…

— Julianna Scott

What's evil like? Is it tingly? Are my eyebrows gonna go all pointy and I'm gonna get some evil laugh that turns…

— Po - The Dragon Warrior

If one could possess, grasp, and know the other, it would not be other.

— Emmanuel Levinas

“It'd be funny if one of them was called Gavin. Funny but irrelevant.”

— John Marsden

Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!

— Louis Untermeyer

That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.

— Gloria Vanderbilt

I'm glad we'll have a night to rehearse getting blind drunk for the actual wedding reception

— Anonymous

If y0u want t0 die. d0nt let others suFfer on the c0nsequences that it would bring.

— Meggy

If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on.

— Jennifer Lawrence

Imagine that, a poncho sombrero combo, I'll be off my tits on happiness.

— Noel Fielding

Lf you think this page is awesome haha then you should try Keep Laughing

— Anonymous

The best birthdays of all are those that havent arrived yet.

— Anonymous

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!

— Bob Monkhouse

Complacency is almost always the product of success or perceived success

— John P. Kotter

To all the teachers that told me I'd never amount to nothing.

— The Notorious B.I.G

Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it's for your own good.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

We are not built for ourselves, but for God. Not for service for God, but for God.

— Oswald Chambers

The GREATEST battle you wage against FAILURE occurs on the INSIDE, not the OUTSIDE.

— John C. Maxwell

Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away..!

— Simi Ngr

Count the number of stars in the sky, thats how much I love you. But it's daytime. Exactly!!

— Rachel

It's something that will never be finished. Something that I can keep developing...and adding to.

— Walt Disney

“I must be alive," Gawain said hoarsely. "Dead doesn't hurt this much.”

— Gerald Morris

This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.

— W. C. Fields

I'm waiting to get married until my age group's first batch of divorces.

— Anonymous

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

— Jim Norton