It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one… — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
I need a human size condom, Because life loves to Fu(k me up in the @$$. — Dustin Barbadillo-aton Copy Share Image
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a… — Ron White Copy Share Image
Life is a maze in which we take the wrong turning before we have learned to walk. — Cyril Connolly Copy Share Image
Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink. — Shunryu Suzuki Copy Share Image
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I… — Screamin' Jay Hawkins Copy Share Image
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. — Maureen Johnson Copy Share Image
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I consider myself a crayon... I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture. — Lauryn Hill Copy Share Image
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive… — Ashish Chauhan Copy Share Image
I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now. — Cathy Guisewite Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet… — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
