The only high-tech, battery-powered superhero I'm interested in this weekend is the one in my nightstand. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, 5% Friday! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You remind me of the black guy on The Office, because you're the black guy in our office. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If vodka was water and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and never come up. But vodka's not water… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Getting food stuck in your teeth: 2% Get it out with a toothpick. 8% Use your finger to remove it.90% Using your… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Classmate after a final: 'So how'd you do?' Me: 'Nailed it or failed it.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Boy- *Texts sweet stuff.* Girl-You`re so sweet! Girl- *Texts sweet stuff.* Boy- Ok. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you read love quotes, either it will hit you or you will remember someone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm excited there's a 1 in 176 million chance I don't have to go to work on Monday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won't text while going down stairs. That shits dangerous. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Starbucks acts like they're so fancy. You sell hot black water and muffins. Calm down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear normal people, I'm not weird, I'm limited edition. Sincerely, lighten up, you only live once. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mondays rock...Anyone who doesnt like mondays, must not just work 3 days a week like I do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you appreciate her, love her, and respect her, I can guarentee you won't lose her. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Roses are blue, violets are red, if you come near me one more time I will chop off your head! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: lets see the evolutionists try and figure this one out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
