For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
