Somebody needs to start a restaurant called, 'Chick-Fil-Atheist' that's only open on Sunday. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder what the job titles are at Trojan Condoms? Gap Analyst? Lubrication Assistant? Package Consultant? Lol any ideas? — Brian Zilinek Copy Share Image
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Forget the past cause you can't change it...and forget the present...cause I didn't get you one. — Drake Copy Share Image
Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today makes me want to go to the beach and swim in the water but then again I don't know how to… — Lisette Alfaro Copy Share Image
Turning 32 years old is significant, because at 32 you can sleep with someone half your age and not go to jail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My boyfriend not allowed to spray Axe in public. I've seen the commercials them hoes come out. — Caitlin Copy Share Image
Don't call me if you're gonna talk to your cousin, mama, daddy, little sister, best friend, neighbor, dog, grandma etc in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Did you know? Its impossible to say Good Eye Might without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :) — Becca Copy Share Image
The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I try to not look back at the past, I think of it as a toilet that flushes...do I really want to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If someone says expect the unexpected slap them in the face and say 'I bet you didn't expect that!' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mitt Romney should change his first name to Fetch, because he's never going to happen. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Um , Never Understood Why Guys Take Pictures Of Their Lips.. Lol Uh Guess Im Missing The Point. — Syoung Copy Share Image
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A friend would hurt you, but a best friend would kick their ass if they hurt you. — OhItsVynn Copy Share Image
It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's hard to disguise the love I feel inside every time you look in my eyes. — Joanne Lobedica Copy Share Image
Obama supporters are like christmas lights. They all hang out together, half of em don't work, and the ones that do work… — Mario Tomasello Copy Share Image
Sometimes it's okay to be single as long as you enjoy it and not dying for a boyfriend. — OhItsVynn Copy Share Image
When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment, when Usain Bolt runs faster than your internet connection. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm real, my tweets are real so everything I say is real. You might hate & that's cool but you're hating me… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
I wonder if cats worry about ending up living alone with socially awkward teenagers. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What if the idea of everything being legal for a night was for real.. I would park in a no park zone… — SouL Copy Share Image
Nature runs a restuarant called Karma. It's a place where there is no need to place any order. You are autimatically served… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Myspace is my ex husband, Facebook is my baby daddy, Twitter is my ho and I'm in a serious relationship with Instagram. — Ambri Bright Copy Share Image
That moment when you realized that your enemies are longer sticking around you than your friends. — OhItsVynn Copy Share Image
No matter where I am, no matter where you are, Ill be there when its over baby. Cause I was there from… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
LIFE is a given. LIVING is optional. Don't be a passenger when YOU are already the CAPTAIN — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I can sit here and describe how much you mean to me but I'm speechless because extraordinary things are hard to explain. — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
Hard working items makes them precious because the work its put into it but precious things can enter our life's unexpectedly. — CJ Copy Share Image
If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be 'Think of how great this will look in the background of… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
If you don't have at least one hater, then you are not doing something right — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
They say let's go half on a baby, but I'm like fuck that let's go half on these condoms... — Lonniedagreat Copy Share Image
Our generation will eventually lead to an era were doing the wrong thing will seem right and doing the right thing will… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
If your girlfriend complains that you never take her anywhere expensive...take her to the gas station. — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
If we put pictures of lost kids on beer cans instead of milk cartons, wed find them in about 15 minutes. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
I live somewhere between hope and fear. Hope that this time things will be different... and fear that it'll turn out like… — Amanda Mayo Copy Share Image
