“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Alcohol does not a change a person’s fundamental value system. People’s personalities when intoxicated, even though somewhat altered, still bear some relationship… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“As I have explained in earlier chapters, abusiveness has little to do with psychological problems and everything to do with values and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Consider how challenging it is to negotiate or compromise with a man who operates on the following tenets (whether or not he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The underlying attitude comes bursting out of his words: He believes his wife is keeping something of his away from him when… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“As a product of Anglo-Saxon-Protestant culture, I am familiar with its centuries-old tradition of hiding its abuse of women under pretty packaging.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“To make matters worse, everyone she talks to has a different opinion about the nature of his problem and what she should… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
