“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Drill Sergeant are: I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong. I… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Victim are: Everybody has done me wrong, especially the women I’ve been involved with. Poor me. When… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not “cure” partner abuse.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abusers thrive on creating confusion, including confusion about the abuse itself. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE ABUSER’S PROBLEM IS NOT THAT HE RESPONDS INAPPROPRIATELY TO CONFLICT. HIS ABUSIVENESS IS OPERATING PRIOR TO THE CONFLICT: IT USUALLY CREATES… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Sensitive are: I’m against the macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive. As long as I use… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Player are: Women were put on this earth to have sex with men—especially me. Women who want… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The volatile, abusive, and sometimes dangerous reactions that abusers can have when relationships draw to a close have often been considered, especially… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
