HECKLER: Say something funny! COMEDIAN: I don't do requests.

“COMEDIAN: [...] What is it you do for a living? HECKLER: I mind my own business. COMEDIAN: Self-employed, eh? No really, what do you…

— J. Ross Clara

You can spend your time on stage pleasing the heckler in the back, or you can devote it to the audience that came to…

— Seth

If Mandela were a comedian, I bet he would never get mad at a heckler, he'd give him or her a hug.

— Godfrey

Humor heals the heckler.

— Gerald C. Meyers

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

— Phyllis Diller

[To the heckler who said, 'If you were my wife I'd poison you':] No, you wouldn't. I'd do it myself.

— Emmeline Pankhurst

I would say, as far as heckling, there's benign and there's malignant; like tumors man. Sometimes you get really nice hecklers. I'd say percentage-wise…

— Godfrey

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add…

— Jim Jefferies

“You're on a roll here, aren't you? Never thought I'd have a heckler while pouring out my heart and soul.”

— Richelle Mead

“[When asked by a male heckler, "Are you a lesbian?"] Are you my alternative?”

— Florynce Kennedy

I was once having an argument with this table of people at a Christmas gig in central London and at the end of the…

— Lou Sanders

Sometimes you'll have a heckler who's actually attempting to be supportive, but you don't realize it. Their way of expressing it is kind of…

— Mike Birbiglia

What was just said to the mexican dude at his concert that just took place on his birthday. This is the United States Of…

— Katt Williams

“Her teacup and the Heckler & Koch were both where she could reach them.”

— Haruki Murakami

Generally, I've found that a heckler in an improv audience is just enjoying the show so much that they want to be in it.

— Scott Adsit