“[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.” — Kevin Hearne Humor Copy Share Image
“You killed my father,” he snorted in a basso profundo rumble. “Prepare to die!” “Inigo Montoya? Is that you?” — Kevin Hearne Parenting Copy Share Image
“His moral compass always points to himself; he is his own true north.” — Kevin Hearne Compass Copy Share Image
Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete! — Kevin Hearne Love Copy Share Image
Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones. — Kevin Hearne Creative Copy Share Image
“There's a reason Bath & Body Works doesn't have a line of products called Huge Fucking Squirrel.” — Kevin Hearne Body work Copy Share Image
I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'. — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.” — Kevin Hearne Friend Copy Share Image
“Are you going to kick somebody’s ass? I don’t know. Maybe. Well, I’m not going to worry. I’ve watched you spar with… — Kevin Hearne Art Copy Share Image
“So after I killed him and stowed his body next to the doe, I sampled his smoothie concoction in the parking lot… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
My mouth gaped and I think I might have whimpered. The Norns had obliterated him completely—a creature they’d known for centuries—because of… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Thunder gods don't hide." The Russian shrugged. "I am not like Thor. I have Russian depth of character. And I like to… — Kevin Hearne Help people Copy Share Image
“Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father’s instruction on how to die well can be distilled… — Kevin Hearne Courage Copy Share Image
“I don’t have enough information to make a rational decision. It’s like you’re asking me to order a drink according to how… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered. "Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin'… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Celibacy is a terrible idea, adhered to by people who hate themselves and want everyone else to do the same. You should… — Kevin Hearne Celibacy Copy Share Image
“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used… — Kevin Hearne Dreams Copy Share Image
“But in doing so—moving forward, in Greta’s mind—he’s still dealing with the past. It’s always strung out behind us, innit, attached to… — Kevin Hearne Time Copy Share Image
“What Sherlock does is train his mind to remember details, access them as needed, and then spy the hidden pattern in them.… — Kevin Hearne Psychology Copy Share Image
“I quietly cast camouflage on myself, which is the nearest I can come to invisibility. It binds my pigment to my surroundings,… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is… — Kevin Hearne Body Copy Share Image
“Did you get me that movie about Genghis Khan? 'It's in the Netflix queue, but that's not the surprise. You don't need… — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“That was it. Owen grabbed his arm, yanked it toward him, and head-butted the punk. He went down with a yelp and… — Kevin Hearne Respect Your Elders Copy Share Image
“I still didn’t know quite what the witches were capable of. The threshold could be booby-trapped or enchanted. I could be walking… — Kevin Hearne Funny Copy Share Image
Tell her I am Peace Dawg but I think her cats are closely allied with The Man. I'm going to stick it… — Kevin Hearne Cat Copy Share Image
“Are you telling me you're lawyer is a bloodsucking vampire?” — Kevin Hearne Vampire Copy Share Image
“this is weird, I feel like I should be telling you a story right now." Oberon” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts. — Kevin Hearne Giving Copy Share Image
“Jesus "...It sounds like these guys would be filed under Assholes Who do Evil Shit in My Name.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“I do beg your pardon. Let's literally throw up, but figuratively throw down.” — Kevin Hearne Forgiveness Copy Share Image
If I waved that in front of a museum curator, he'd promptly lose control of his salivary glands. — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it. — Kevin Hearne Bears Copy Share Image
“The function of assholes in the world, just like the asshole we all have, is to spread shit around.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Huh... guess they didn't want a cracker after all. Another myth BUSTED” — Kevin Hearne Cracker Copy Share Image
“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,” — Kevin Hearne Food Copy Share Image
“Oberon Atticus "Gods below, I think you're right. Quick, to the Geekmobile!” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
“Dude. If that was a Shakespearean quote duel, he just kicked your ass.” — Kevin Hearne Copy Share Image
She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five. — Kevin Hearne Ecstasy Copy Share Image
![“[T]he pain was unspeakable, worse than reading the collected works of Edith Wharton.” quote by Kevin Hearne](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/307/kevin-hearne-991_humor_t-he-pain-was-unspeakable-worse-than-rea_353101.jpg)
