Green Monk

Never be in a relationship if you still have a single person's mentality

— Green Monk

My penis wants to slam dance at your vagina concert.

— Green Monk

When I die, I want my final words to be I'm too sexy for this life.

— Green Monk

My dad is the boss. . .until Grandma comes over. Then hes just one of us

— Green Monk

Everything was going well for them... and BAM! they got married..

— Green Monk

The food channel is like porn for your stomach.

— Green Monk

Once upon a time you held the world in your hands... then I left.

— Green Monk

Women are like commercials... nothing more than false advertisement

— Green Monk

Happiness Is Like Penis. It Always Looks Small But When You Learn To Share It, You Realize How Big It Can Be.

— Green Monk

I hate when films say 'MAY' contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn't. DON'T WASTE MY TIME

— Green Monk

No, I did not want the receipt, but now that you've asked, I'm getting suspicious. So yes please I want it.

— Green Monk

There are two greatest days in a guys life… The day he was BORN… and the day he discovered PORN...

— Green Monk

Blowjobs are the second best thing a woman can ever do with her mouth, the first best thing is shutting the fuck…

— Green Monk

That awkward moment when you trip and you immediately start running, and act like that's what you wanted to do anyway.

— Green Monk

Comic Sans walked into a bar. The bartender frowned and said, We don't serve your type here.

— Green Monk

You know you've had enough coffee when you can thread a sewing machine ...while it's running!

— Green Monk

I am having issues, I just wanna smack someone. Any volunteers?

— Green Monk

The awesome moment when someone gets accused of something you did.

— Green Monk

Any girl can get a facial, but it takes real woman to get bukkake.

— Green Monk

A clean house is a sign of no Internet connection...

— Green Monk

That awkward moment you pull a door you're suppose to push open

— Green Monk

Tell a Girl she's BEAUTIFUL so she knows it's TRUE ¥

— Green Monk

I just realized that our fears are bigger than our dreams.

— Green Monk

My farts smell like they shit their pants.

— Green Monk

A simple Good morning, beautiful text could make any girl smile for the whole day.

— Green Monk

I remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

— Green Monk

I wish we could ctrl...alt...delete parts of life we don't particularly like.

— Green Monk

What are you? My Grammar teacher? Stop correcting my Bed speling!

— Green Monk

A ponytail will make you look like a horse's ass.

— Green Monk

Are you a clock? Cause you're ticking me off...

— Green Monk

Congratulations! You've just read this sentence.

— Green Monk

Never go faster than the One who is leading you.

— Green Monk

How to get Laid: Lay in bed. Wait two hours. Lay becomes past tense!

— Green Monk

When people ask you where you're from, just mumble Internet

— Green Monk

That awkward moment when your crush asks you who you like.

— Green Monk

If I could go back in time, I would give your parents a condom

— Green Monk

Your smile make me fall in love with you even more ¥

— Green Monk

I wonder if you have unprotected phone sex if you can get hearing aids?

— Green Monk

I do take stress medicine...it's called BEER!

— Green Monk

I wonder if fat guys leave their shirts on when they fuck?

— Green Monk