Was trying to count sheep to help me sleep but I don't think I'll be able to sleep anymore after being chased… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Walter Plinge, the inventor of predictive text, has died. His funfair will be hello on sundial. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
What a mess! I can't believe I mixed up my Valentine cards. Now my girlfriend thinks I love her AND my wife… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Beware of ego: Ego is a double edged sword the outer edge cuts your popularity; while the inner edge pierces your purity. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A little ego is good. It prevents you from making a complete fool of yourself. But a little more ego has the… — Green Monk Fool Copy Share Image
When your exes see youu happy,moving on with someone else... THAT'S when they want to wiggle their way back into your life. — Green Monk Dating Copy Share Image
Real men don't date the most beautiful girl in the world,they date the girl who makes their world the most beautiful. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
This girl just got mad cause I said she had awesome boobs, how the hell was I supposed to know the dude… — Green Monk Boobs Copy Share Image
Don't let your memory get poor with time. Do the right things to sharpen it ... like... lending me your money! — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
I get upset when someone accepts my invitation to connect on LinkedIn. How dare you took a long time to accept an… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
When I was young I was afraid of dark, Now when I get my electricity bill I'm afraid of light. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
In case of emergency exits can be located at the sign out, delete, deactivate, mute & block features Thank you for flying… — Green Monk Exits Copy Share Image
What is the fastest thing in the world? Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Research has revealed that you can actually fall in love with your own wife if some other man describes her to you... — Green Monk Fall in love Copy Share Image
No babies on this plane. I don't want to be the one crying & puking for the entire duration of the flight… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My girlfriends are my most valuable possessions, thats why I keep them locked up in closet. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Don't be sad if a person prefers another person over you. Because you can't convince a m0nkey that honey is m0re sweeter… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Sarcasm Copy Share Image
My annoying friend said that running will get my mind off things. He's right, I felt much better after I ran him… — Green Monk Friendship Copy Share Image
Ever wonder about the true purpose of mosquitoes? I'm thinking it must be God's source of amusement... watching us slap ourselves! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The Shortest Solution Of Every Problem Is To Minimize The Distance Between Your Knee And Floor. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A real man knows how to comfort his woman in good or bad situations. He's one of the reasons why she's always… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My wife told me she wanted something with lots of diamonds, I bought her a deck of cards — Green Monk Deck of cards Copy Share Image
People make the world go around but at some point dont you wish it were flat so all the idiots would keep… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I'm thinking about growing a beard so I have something cool to do with my hands when I think. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ex's are like toys you give them to the less fortunate so you can move on to bigger and better things ! — Green Monk Better things Copy Share Image
The best day to propose to a girl is on April Fools Day. If she says yes, then good. But, if she… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I think it's time to clean out your Fridge when you open the door and something reaches out and hands you a… — Green Monk Beer Copy Share Image
A woman in labor was screaming profanities at her husband. He calmly said, Dont blame me. I wanted to stick it in… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Marriages may be made in heaven, but the maintainance charges have to be paid on earth... — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
Love is an awesome feeling that makes you feel so good that you'll cheat on your wife. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Spending a long time writing a really long message then accidentally pressing the back button. — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A blow-job is the only job in the world that can't be included in your resume despite years of experience and a… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
People tell me I'm a drama queen. I don't get why that's a bad thing. If I'm a queen, don't I get… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The less make up you have on the more attractive you become. I don't make the rules. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a couple holding hands from far away I sprint & imagine it being the finish line of a 100… — Green Monk Finish line Copy Share Image
Everytime I see my girlfriends tits they remind me why I pretend to care about what she has to say — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
A gorgeous blonde found an old lamp and gently stroked it. I wonder if a genie will come, she mused. From inside… — Green Monk Funny Copy Share Image
