Men are more likely to be struck by lightening than women. That means no storms occur in a kitchen. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That's the Irish all over -- they treat a joke as a serious thing and a serious thing as a joke. — Sean O'Casey Copy Share Image
All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it? — John Cleese Copy Share Image
I did a club one night - the speakers were old as hell. My jokes were coming out in black and white. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
A joke without a point, inane and bald, itself a joke on joking may be called — Menander Of Athens Copy Share Image
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke. — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I heard NASA wanted to invade your thigh gap. There was a lot of space between them thighs — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
An old paleontological in joke proclaims that mammalian evolution is a tale told by teeth mating to produce slightly altered descendant teeth. — Stephen Jay Gould Copy Share Image
Everybody in my family had a real sick, twisted sense of humor. Most of the jokes we make in our house, we… — Seth MacFarlane Copy Share Image
Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
She's you, without your conscience, or your feelings. She's you without your humanity." "You're saying she's a mood swing?" He shrugged. "Or… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an… — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If mankind is naturally good, he is sure going against his nature more and more of the time. It sounds like a… — Herbert Gold Copy Share Image
Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and… — Mike Epps Copy Share Image
I really like the animated film process. It's kind of like doing a play, because you can experiment with it, rewrite it,… — Steve Martin Copy Share Image
I said it, just like that. No stupid jokes, no changing the subject. For once, I wasn't embarrassed, because it was the… — Kami Garcia Copy Share Image
As a child of the 1970s, I couldn't hold a narrative in my head; I was lucky if I could hold a… — Chuck Palahniuk Copy Share Image
One of the interesting things about Twitter is looking how famous people choose to use it. Take someone like Steve Martin, who… — Rob Lowe Copy Share Image
He'd assumed that you went to school because you had to learn things, starting off with the easy stuff and moving on… — Mary Lawson Copy Share Image
The wrong kind of guy to fall in love with is the guy who will let go of the steering wheel as… — An Na Copy Share Image
The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along… — Paul Simon Copy Share Image
