"When I was a boy, I laid in……" — Mitch Hedberg
"When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Bed Quotes
This quote is filed under Bed Quotes,
one of 3,432 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I'm sure most of us remember being a kid and you have all of this endless time where two weeks…
— Andrea Arnold
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I'm absolutely strict about it. When I land, I put my watch right, and I don't care what I feel…
— David Attenborough
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Evil is unspectacular and always human, and shares our bed and eats at our own table.
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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A man can do a television interview and roll out of bed 15 minutes before; it's just not the same…
— Michele Bachmann
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I wake up every morning, look in the mirror and ask, 'Am I a sex symbol?' Then I go back…
— Antonio Banderas
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I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as…
— Tallulah Bankhead
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The heart of the jealous knows the best and most satisfying love, that of the other's bed, where the rival…
— Djuna Barnes
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Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
— Roseanne Barr
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Remember how you used to be able to feel your bed breathing and the walls spinning when you were a…
— Lynda Barry
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One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything everynight before you go to…
— Bernard Baruch
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This life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed with a desire to change his bed.
— Charles Baudelaire
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Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our…
— George Ade
See all 3,432 Bed Quotes »