"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Dating Quotes
This quote is filed under Dating Quotes,
one of 950 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought…
— James A. Baldwin
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No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
— Honore de Balzac
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Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
— Joey Adams
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Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is…
— Scott Adams
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Good-looking individuals are treated better than homely ones in virtually every social situation, from dating to trial by jury.
— Martha Beck
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I didn't have a financial need, and I wasn't very gifted at relationships. I probably was more like what we…
— Candice Bergen
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Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.
— Jim Bishop
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I'm quite sensitive to women. I saw how my sister got treated by boyfriends. I read this thing that said…
— Orlando Bloom
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I am a hopeless romantic and I love to spoil my girlfriends.
— Orlando Bloom
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I heard on public radio recently, there's a thing called Weed Dating. Singles get together in a garden and weed…
— Roy Blount, Jr.
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Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That's who I'm dating.
— Ben Affleck
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Right now I'm pretty single... My career is my boyfriend.
— Christina Aguilera
See all 950 Dating Quotes »