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Christmas Quote by Milton Berle

“One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?” quote by Milton Berle — Download Open image

“One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?”

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More by Milton Berle

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,…

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

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Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

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My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

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When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was…

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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd…

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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once…

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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

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If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor…

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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

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Explore all 135 Milton Berle quotes

More Christmas quotes

The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out…

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As we are coming to the end of the year, I want you to forget about the past, the failure, the negative thoughts or…

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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

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May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is…

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To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts.

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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a…

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A new heart for a New Year, always!

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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend…

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

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“Why did he hesitate? He finally admitted to himself that he was like an American child who was almost completely certain about Santa Claus,…

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There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.

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Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be…

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