"Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are……" — Jim Gaffigan
"Nursery schools and bars at 2 a.m. are the only places where it is completely normal if someone just spontaneously throws up on the floor...and just like a toddler, the bar patron wakes up the next day not remembering or caring how they behaved."
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Jim Gaffigan
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99 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan has 99 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great…
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your…
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
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Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
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Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how…
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get…
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If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?
See all 99 quotes by Jim Gaffigan »
More Bar Quotes
This quote is filed under Bar Quotes,
one of 855 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Hemingway is terribly limited. His technique is good for short stories, for people who meet once in a bar very…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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When a little more than a teenager, I was a piano-bar pianist in the land where I was born and…
— Andrea Bocelli
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The American legal industry is a medieval guild in which the prosecutors, bar, and bench join hands to ensure that…
— Conrad Black
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I started out mopping floors, waiting tables, and tending bar at my dad's tavern. I put myself through school working…
— John Boehner
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My dad and my uncles owned a bar outside of Cincinnati. I worked there growing up, mopping floors, waiting tables.
— John Boehner
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The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas.
— Edward de Bono
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The girl I find who wants to talk about quantum theory in a bar is the one I want to…
— Brandon Boyd
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When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
— David Brenner
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I'm the type of person who doesn't want to sit alone in a restaurant or bar.
— Malin Akerman
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I can only say the first thing that pops into my mind is I remember, years ago, seeing kind of…
— Jimmy Buffett
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We have wasted History like a bunch of drunks shooting dice back in the men's crapper of the local bar.
— Charles Bukowski
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Now one thing I think is really lame, is if you're an artist and you go to a karaoke bar…
— Jason Aldean
See all 855 Bar Quotes »