"I used to have to do readings in……" — Jim Gaffigan
"I used to have to do readings in church, and it was terrifying. I would never have my glasses. The words are printed so small even Superman would be nervous. And you’re reading from the Bible. It’s not like you can just make something up and improvise. “A reading from the letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians. Uhhh. Dear Corinthians, … How was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Uh, tell Jesus ‘Hey.’ This is the word of the Lord."
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Jim Gaffigan
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99 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Jim Gaffigan has 99 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great…
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Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
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There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your…
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Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
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Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
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Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
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Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
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It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
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Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how…
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Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
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There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get…
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If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?
See all 99 quotes by Jim Gaffigan »
More Bible Quotes
This quote is filed under Bible Quotes,
one of 2,457 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice. That's what I call a liberal education.
— Tallulah Bankhead
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Energy, like the biblical grain of the mustard-seed, will remove mountains.
— Hosea Ballou
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Some quality performances and movies have a chance to be rewarded, but it's not like it's a bible.
— Javier Bardem
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It does not require great learning to be a Christian and be convinced of the truth of the Bible. It…
— Albert Barnes
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Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any…
— John Adams
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The highest glory of the American Revolution was this: it connected in one indissoluble bond the principles of civil government…
— John Quincy Adams
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I would point out that if you're a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood…
— Joe Barton
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit…
— Brendan Behan
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The fundamental story arc of the Bible is God is passionate about rescuing this world, restoring it, renewing it.
— Rob Bell
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Both read the Bible day and night, but thou read black where I read white.
— William Blake
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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to…
— Elayne Boosler
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If you ask three people what it means to be Christian, you will get three different answers. Some feel being…
— Dan Brown
See all 2,457 Bible Quotes »