Ifs Quote by Eugene Mirman

“Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.” quote by Eugene Mirman — Download Open image

“Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.”

Eugene Mirman

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Ifs Love Love each other Marriage Paperwork People Promise Two

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The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal…

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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like…

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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with…

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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your…

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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

Eugene Mirman

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“This book is a guide to living life the right way, like the Bible is for crazies and weak people (JK, bro), this book…

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In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions?…

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Of course, to avoid getting stuck in that convo with someone you dislike or feel uncomfortable around, don't be passive, be proactive. Do not let them direct your interaction on their terms, do it on yours. Ask a Misdirection Question--something too difficult to answer quickly--e.g., 'What's Congress up to?' or 'You ever learn any cool science?' When you ask the…

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Imagine the wars we would've avoided if prior generations had a website where they could debate tragedy and politics in terse sentences?

Eugene Mirman

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You can do anything you want, as long as it works.

Eugene Mirman

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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually,…

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More Ifs quotes

Women still, when they have breast cancer, go to work; they still lead their lives. They have to. I just did what I was supposed to do. I didn't want to exploit it or be too "actory" about it, if that makes any sense. That's also why I didn't shave my head; I feel like you have to earn that.…

Monica Potter

Most of us are convinced that we are our egos, which is who we think we are. The ego is part of our incarnation.…

Ram Dass

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Histories never conclude; they just pause their prose. Their stories are, if they are truthful, untidy affairs, resistant to windings-up and sortings-out. They beat…

Simon Schama

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If you ask an introvert a question, wait until she thinks about it. Introverts think before speaking, not through speaking. If you want to…

Laurie Helgoe

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Many individuals spend a considerable portion of their lifetimes in terror of one imagined catastrophe or another. The classic is that your immortal soul will be consigned to eternal torment in the never-ending subterranean barbecue if you fail to follow the whacky edicts of one particular set of puckered dogwhistles or another. You may recall from the great movie Strange…

L. Neil Smith

Obviously, if you don't love life, you can't enjoy an oyster.

Eleanor Clark

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If I don't have pressure, I don't function.

Ferran Adria

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If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

Jay Leno

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I understand that it's the music that keeps me alive... That's my lifeblood. And to give that up for, like, the TV, the cars, the houses - that's not the American dream. That's the booby prize, in the end. Those are the booby prizes. And if you fall for them - if, when you achieve them, you believe that this…

Bruce Springsteen

If we gave up our freedom as the price of security, we would no longer be the great nation that we are.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

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If my campaign is not in the debate, we will not be talking about how we really fix this problem of endless and expanding war, why we need to cut the military budget by 50%, why we need to bring back our troops scattered overseas, the police force of the world, in over a hundred countries, something like eight hundred…

Jill Stein