Best Wife Wisdom

4100 Wife quotes by 2539 unique authors

In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered. — Winston Churchill
The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes. — Martin Luther
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did — Henny Youngman
Your marriage goes to a whole new level. You not only fall in love with your wife in a new way, but you're forced to… — Hugh Jackman
He was screaming like my wife. — Mike Tyson
I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin (his wife). When we got to the gorilla cage… — Mike Tyson
Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog. — Damon Hill
I only travel to good material, a good director and a good company. I won't work in another country for a year any longer, because… — Jim Dale
My wife's nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don't notice it any more. — Tom Arnold
My wife said, 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said, 'Why?' And she said, 'Well, she's been up on the roof… — Bob Monkhouse
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap. — Bob Monkhouse
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. — Rodney Dangerfield
He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. — Bob Phillips
I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it. — Walter Matthau
I don't sleep much. I'm on the go. My mind is racing. My wife says my mind is like the rolling dials on a slot… — Bill Walton
People still cheat on their wives, that hasn't fallen out of fashion. We all speak of it badly, but it has not fallen out of… — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
The worst moment from all of this was driving from that doctor's office, to tell my wife that I was HIV positive. — Magic Johnson
When my wife and I leave California, I want to have my marriage recognized in Nevada, Arizona, all the way to New York. How can… — Wanda Sykes
My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to… — Dave Barry
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. — Bill Cosby
Some jobs are worse than actual wives. Ad agency vs. Matrimony, for instance: Even the most capricious and demanding spouse is not going to divorce… — P.J. O'Rourke
No man ever dared to manifest his boredom so insolently as does a Siamese tomcat when he yawns in the face of his amorously importunate… — Aldous Huxley
In the choice of a horse and a wife a man must please himself ignoring the opinion and advice of friends. — George Whyte-Melville
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. — Milton Berle
I don't ask for much. I don't ask to be rich, and I don't ask to be famous, and I don't ask to play center… — Tom Hanks

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