Myself Pretending Quotes by David Letterman

More Quotes by David Letterman

David Letterman has 225 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.
• The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.
• Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
• Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
• Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.
• When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
• I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
• I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow.…
• Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
• If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all.
• Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee!
• Weak coffee is the greatest sin against humanity.

See all 225 quotes by David Letterman »