Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on a guy's must… — Hank Azaria
I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners. — Hank Azaria
Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the… — Howie Carr
You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want… — Jimmy Carr
There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. — Jimmy Carr
Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke. — Linda Cardellini
I do a lot of public speaking and presentations and I'll always start with a self-deprecating joke to make everybody feel comfortable with my size… — Warwick Davis
The Texas Commission on Environmental Quality - what a joke. In my district, we caught them lying to us about the results of air quality… — Wendy Davis
Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters. — Bret Easton Ellis
We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law. — Russ Feingold
There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that… — Cee Lo Green
Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on… — Billy Gardell
Comedy is similar to hockey... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve whatever the intention… — Johnny Galecki
What do we care, if the world is a joke? We'll give it a big kiss, we'll give it a poke. Death wears a big… — Elvis Costello
She said she wasn't afraid of Satan, in fact, she thought he was a joke. She said she'd tear his tail off and run her… — John Mellencamp
No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke. — John Waters
The joke that you laid in the bed that was me. — Alanis Morissette
After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding. — Dave Chappelle
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original… — David Cross
We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt. — Bobby Farrelly

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: