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In-laws Quotes by Les Dawson
- My mother-in-law had to stop skipping for exercise. It registered seven on the Richter scale.
- I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
- My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.
- My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.
- I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
- My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
- I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.
- The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.
- I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'
- The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother,…
- My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
- I've just had some bad news. Tomorrow is the mother in law's funeral. And she's cancelled it.
- The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.
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- Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. — Josh Billings
- Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold… — Matthew Broderick
- In law, nothing is certain but the expense. — Samuel Butler
- What do lawyers learn in law school? They learn to win... What we've got to start thinking about is how do we… — Benjamin Carson
- My affection for Taiwan... is witnessed by everyone. My wife is Taiwanese and I am a son-in-law of Taiwan. I am half… — Jackie Chan
- Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? — Dick Clark
- I never thought that the long haired, bearded guy I married in law school would end up being President. — Hillary Clinton
- I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We're both Leos, we understand each other. — Tori Amos
- Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws. — George Carlin
- "Hit it with the back of your left hand" was the first swing thought I ever heard, brusquely bu not unlovingly put… — John Updike
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