Funny Valentines Day Quotes

29 Funny Valentines Day quotes by 28 unique authors

When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them… — Natalie Clifford Barney
A man is only as good as what he loves. — Saul Bellow
A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. — Rupert Brooke
Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life. — Lord Byron
Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird… — Jimmy Fallon
Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't… — Unknown Author
The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because… — George Lopez
I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! — Mike Birbiglia
Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old. — Stephen Colbert
Love is just a chocolate substitute. — Melanie Clark Pullen
Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. — Martha Stewart
Sex, unlike justice, should not be seen to be done. — Unknown Author
I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. — Dion Boucicault
Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day. — Jay Leno
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. — Lewis Grizzard
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. — Matt Groening
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile. — Sean Connery
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. — Phyllis Diller
Love and a cough cannot be hid. — George Herbert
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. — Groucho Marx

Who Wrote These Funny Valentines Day Quotes

28 authors contributed a total of 29 Funny Valentines Day Quotes, led by these top contributors: