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Funny Quotes by Laura S
- It must be really difficult to plan a surprise party for a psychic.
- I think the reason why babies sleep so much is because it's God's way of letting us make it up early for all the lost…
- Too bad Steve Jobs didn't invent the vacuum. I think the iSuck would have been a big seller.
- Daylight Savings Time is an Indiangiver. It gives an hour, then it takes it back.
- They say that some anti-depressants may actually cause suicidal thoughts. Isn't that like someone with narcalepsy taking a sleeping pill?
- Can you give up your New Year's Resolution for Lent?
- For Daylight Savings Time I think we should spring forward at 4:00 p.m. on a Friday, and fall back at 9:00 p.m. on a Sunday.
- Bad luck is getting hit by a car. Good luck is that it was an ambulance.
- When voting for the Pope, it's top secret. No one is to reveal who they voted for. If they do, it's considered a Cardinal sin.
- The praying mantis. The inventor of the one-night stand. Wham, bam, off with your head, man!
- Do people in China say in bed after reading a fortune cookie?
- The period. Punctuation mark to all, but public enemy number one to women.
- Everyone has a funny bone. It's just tickled differently.
- Instead of incarcerating pedophiles, why don't we use them as crash test dummies?
- The closest I ever came to initiating anal sex was a butt dial.
- Are the unmarried employees at Kraft referred to as the Kraft Singles?
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin