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Funny Quotes by Amit Verma
- Females will argue with you for 30mins , then be like I ain't even gonna argue with you.
- Confidence, self respect, humility, my dick, patience, honesty and loyalty are few of the qualities I want in a woman.
- Why tell social networking sites that you're on your period? Nobody cares if your uterus lining is leaving your body
- Being the 1% of the population that doesn't receive a cute morning text.
- Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30.
- Overprotective parents raise the best liars.
- That awkward moment when your mom compares you to another kid and she has no idea how much worse they are than you..
- Mistake 1: being the fastest sperm
- Condoms And Hearts When Either One Breaks, Shit Gets R E A L!!
- The faster a girl mentions that she has a boyfriend, the more creeped out she is by you. :D :D
- Mouth is so dry like a nuns vag
- I think its funny that people who treat you like shit get offended when you finally do the same to them.
- Some People just need a high five . in the face. with a chair , twice from hulk on adrenaline rush.
- No matter how funny you are, If I don't like you, I won't laugh.
- A lady once called 911 because her local McDonalds had ran out of McNuggets.
- Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have to.
- *On a roller coaster* Other People; AHHH! WOOOHOO! - Me: HOLY SHIT. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I'M GONNA DIE, GET ME OFF, GET…
- My girlfriend says I can't focus on two things at once...guess she hasn't noticed me staring at her boobs
- A nuclear war is better love story then twilight
- Parent: Why don't you come socialize with the family? Me: *sits with family* Me: *gets insulted by entire family* Me: *goes back to bedroom*
- If I had my life to live over again, Id be a plumber. ~ Albert Einstein . He'd been inspired by porn for sure.
- A Baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3AM. And you're homealone, and you don't have a…
- You know its going to be a great story when it starts off with, So this BITCH...
- Coffee has two virtues: it is wet and warm. ;)
- Right now you have 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support, and you're scrolling with your thumb.
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More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin