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Green Monk has 602 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Before smartphones life was terrible. I practically never stepped in dog shit.
• Every bathroom is open if you kick the door hard enough.
• Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes.
• This girl just got mad cause I said she had awesome boobs, how the hell was I supposed to know the dude…
• I cheat on butter. With ice cream.
• You call it it multiple personalities, I call it social networking in my head!
• Alright. I'm shamed. You can stop pointing.
• The greatest thing to fear is ourselves.
• Keep your friends close and your alcohol closer. Then get drunk and insult your friends.
• I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad!
• My farts smell like they shit their pants.
• A ponytail will make you look like a horse's ass.

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