“Americans wouldn’t be in the economic predicament we’re in, if there were no America. So we can all thank our founding fathers… — Jarod Kintz Founding fathers Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I spoke the word “moo” into a glass of water, hoping to change the structure of each water molecule into the shape… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The only problem with politicians taking two week vacations every year is its about 50 weeks too short. — Jarod Kintz Humor Copy Share Image
“It’s not who you know that matters—it’s who knows you that’s important. Personal branding builds up your reputation to the point where… — Jarod Kintz Branding Copy Share Image
“Republicans are a glass half full, and Democrats are a glass half empty. Either way, I want a new glass. I want… — Jarod Kintz Democracy Copy Share Image
“If I meant to miss, and I made it, then I missed my miss. So I missed and I made it, rather… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Our romance lasted a few months. I was so deflated the day I lost my air pump and couldn’t blow love into… — Jarod Kintz Deflated Copy Share Image
“He’ll think I’ll do it, he’ll act like I’ll do it, and so I will do it. But if he will think… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I’m surprised there isn’t a jet airplane designed in the shape of a brick. Some people (aeronautical engineers) might say that’s because… — Jarod Kintz Plane Copy Share Image
“Three people are interviewing for a job. The first thinks his odds are 33.3 percent of landing the job. The second guy,… — Jarod Kintz Chance Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be bunched up and used as a seat cushion. But I’d rather cut off your buttocks and use that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You owned a farm, and you grew teamwork, because yours was an ant farm. I was… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Working in the hotel business I have learned a lot about people. It’s amazing what you can discover about someone by watching… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“In a depression, attendance to sporting events goes down, while the percentage of people fornicating goes up, because sex is free. I… — Jarod Kintz Depression Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to promote social progress. If we could amass enough bricks to build a prison big enough to cage… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north! ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do I see value? My gut says no, but I’m willing to bet on things that may pay off big if I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hear what you say in what you don’t say, you see, because I’m a Helen Keller kind of communicator. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It's easy to say I love you, but much harder to show it. Be bold. Be in love—and show it. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Does my face not look hungry? My mouth is the path and mouthpiece to my stomach, so I’d believe what I’m telling… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love sounds like an elephant weighs. I know, because I’ve seen it with my own two nostrils. I’ve grown fat on the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I don’t care that I no longer have my grandma to keep me company at the dining room table. Especially since she… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I want to get the words "Courage" and "Bravery" tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as… — Jarod Kintz Bravery Copy Share Image
“I couldn’t steal an idea. Not even if my clone came up with it. But I could steal your heart—even if my… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“Do something productive, like painting or procrastinating or protesting—which is just a combination of the first two.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She wasn’t gung ho, but she was Gung’s ho. There’s no love lost between them, because I found it all and sold… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Women are like convertibles: They should be topless. Also, they should stay in the garage. I mean kitchen. No, I mean bedroom.… — Jarod Kintz Topless Copy Share Image
“I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.” — Jarod Kintz Water Copy Share Image
“She gave me the cold shoulder, so I heated it up in the microwave. Sometimes #love is leftovers.” — Jarod Kintz Cold shoulder Copy Share Image
“A lawyer, a politician, and a prostitute walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”… — Jarod Kintz Bartender Copy Share Image
“Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch money, as her rates have recently increased.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to replace the dollar as the world’s reserve currency. Don’t laugh, because at least the brick is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to reduce the weight of love, by exactly one person. It’s a cold world out there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.” — Jarod Kintz Blushing Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think astronaut's helmets need to have Viking horns affixed to the side, to let any aliens we might encounter know that… — Jarod Kintz Space Copy Share Image
“Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t… — Jarod Kintz Camel Copy Share Image
“I love how sincere she is. She makes a mannequin look like Mother Theresa, though she looks better naked. And I hope… — Jarod Kintz Mannequin Copy Share Image
