“Yesterday led me to today, which will lead me to tomorrow. Follow me, but stay a day behind.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m looking for a girlfriend. That’s why I brought binoculars.” — Jarod Kintz Binoculars Copy Share Image
“I opened my wallet and gave him a coupon, hoping he’d open his wallet and give me money.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“My life motto: My brakes are broke, but luckily my gas pedal works just fine. ” — Jarod Kintz Brakes Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a device to deliver bad news. Sometimes it's better to be blunt. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you have Microsoft Word, you can become a writer tonight. Just start typing!” — Jarod Kintz Microsoft word Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“In my closet I have boxes and boxes of secrets. These boxes are all empty, and that’s how you know they’re filled… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got into a car accident. My car was so damaged it changed from white to a purple bruise color.” — Jarod Kintz Accident Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to block out the pain, if you use it to first inflict pain and carry it through… — Jarod Kintz Pain Copy Share Image
“Of all the things God created, from sunrises and rainbows, to black holes and humor, cats are the most fascinating to me. ” — Jarod Kintz Black hole Copy Share Image
“The difference between you and everyone else, is everyone else. And that’s a lot, so you should feel special.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Road To Serfdom is about capitalism. That’s why on the side of that road you’ll find me, in a kiosk, selling… — Jarod Kintz Capitalism Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I needed to take her to a concert, or maybe invite her out to go stencil street art in the middle of… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the morning. After all, people often call… — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work,… — Jarod Kintz Future Copy Share Image
“My nickname in high school was Catch 22. Not because I was a walking dilemma, but because I had 22 catches freshman… — Jarod Kintz Freshman year Copy Share Image
“I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me they wouldn’t be parents… — Jarod Kintz Birth parents Copy Share Image
“Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) doesn’t mean I play cowboy with politics.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Mark Twain, I’d write under the pseudonym “Samuel Clemens.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.” — Jarod Kintz Candle Copy Share Image
“In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I suspended my disbelief, and left it floating in mid air.” — Jarod Kintz Disbelief Copy Share Image
“Were you aware that my sister looks like my brother? They both look nonexistent.” — Jarod Kintz Brother Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a cover of your favorite song by your favorite cover band. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a mansion of an imagination, and I cordially invite you to come sleep in my shed.” — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
“How do you seduce a whole continent? One person at a time.” — Jarod Kintz Continent Copy Share Image
“Yesterday I memorized Shakespeare, and tomorrow I'm also going to memorize his first name.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s not my son, but his last name is Myson. Same spelling, big difference.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to switch things up by keeping things the same. People never expect it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
