“A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m tired of talking. I want you to extract my thoughts through my nostrils.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you want to know what love is for, the answer is “other people.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home. — Jarod Kintz Adultery Copy Share Image
“In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Give people a little, and they’ll want a lot. Give them a lot, and they’ll only want a little.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“His last name was Worthless. Or was that just the perfect word to describe him? Shouldn’t our names summarize who we are?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like the term “Average Joe.” I prefer “Dolly,” because not only is the Everyman a sheep, but he’s also a… — Jarod Kintz Average joe Copy Share Image
“I want to sign a treaty with a cripple that will be both valid and, like the owner of the other signature,… — Jarod Kintz Treaty Copy Share Image
“I like spending time with my family. And if you have the same last name as me, we might be family. I’m… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“If my skin wasn’t flesh, but was tinfoil, I’d probably not only be left-handed, but I’d be a leftover. I guess the… — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“I'm the only person I know who has slept through a fire drill. Apparently, I pulled the alarm. Yeah, I sleepwalk. Sometimes… — Jarod Kintz Boston marathon Copy Share Image
“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that… — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the… — Jarod Kintz Best time Copy Share Image
“I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A bird once sent out its mating call and in return got the siren of an ambulance.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love melted like a statue made of butter, would you consider me a pancake or a waffle?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I don’t like tit for tat. I like tit for tit. Bring on the boobies!” — Jarod Kintz Boobies Copy Share Image
“Ears of corn can listen better than me when they’re still in the ground.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With Mildred Feeblemeister dead, I’m now the world’s 77th greatest grandmother.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I took the wheels of my bike off in support of your bicycle race to support bike riding.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in them?” — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“I am Cloud “Combat” McCloud. Fear my thunder! Love my chicken tenders.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
