“I’m a neat person (interesting), but I’m not a neat person (organized).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.” — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“That night when we made love, she saw a side of me she’d never seen—the left side.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talking? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An apple’s core principle it to not get eaten. And who wants to eat the core of an apple anyway?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a gesture, I don’t think it would be a gyrating pelvis. But then again, I could be wrong, as… — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. With you not being there I notice your unbeing, with you still being a being in time… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket… — Jarod Kintz Secrecy Copy Share Image
“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People always say I have hands as large as the Roman Empire. I guess it just goes with the territory. Romance, it’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If a billowy white cloud exploded, that’d be close to what my love looks like. The only difference is my love has… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to float a good idea at work—especially if it’s a good idea that would be bad for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be carried to the beach. You can bring your laptop or tablet and work from anywhere in the world,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dreams have one-way doors—the door you enter cannot be exited from, and the door you exit from cannot be used for reentry.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How would you define love to an eight-year-old aardvark from Argentina who hears angularly, rather than linearly? I don’t know, but let… — Jarod Kintz Define love Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to fill Fort Knox. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, if we fill Fort Knox with bricks,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t do it in 1066. But I’m only not guilty because I wasn’t quite alive then. The ferocity of the Normans… — Jarod Kintz History Copy Share Image
“I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If counting is thinking, then the longest I’ve ever thought about any one subject continuously for is 127, 983 seconds. I might… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I don’t clean off the bug corpses that are petrified on my bumper for looks, then what do I do it… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat her.” — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“My handyman is handicapped and oh so handsome, because he’s my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.” — Jarod Kintz Archaeology Copy Share Image
“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“Do not oppose my opposable thumbs. If you do, we’ll have a thumb war.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I won’t be lulled by the lullaby, when what waits after is eternal sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Lullaby Copy Share Image
“I’ll see a cat and instinctively start petting the hair on my back.” — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“I was once in a battle trying to fight my way out when I realized it’s better to sneak out.” — Jarod Kintz Fight Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as Bigfoot. You know, as something the people can really believe in. ” — Jarod Kintz Bigfoot Copy Share Image
