“This is America. Every vote counts. Sometimes twice, if it helps me get elected.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.” — Jarod Kintz Bible Copy Share Image
“I’m not getting fat and lazy. I’ve always been lazy. C’mon, I’m American!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to drum up interest for instruments that are played by beating them with sticks.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Gin is a confusing drink. It’s the only liquid that’s both wet and dry.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to feed the homeless. But why not use those bricks to build the homeless people homes? Oh yeah,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact I want to own a factory that makes up facts and figures, and I figure to make a fortune… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“All I have to say about love can be summed up in nine words: Never wipe your ass before you take a… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My favorite flower lost its voice, and through aroma therapy and the assistance of both my nostrils, I’m trying to help it… — Jarod Kintz Mental health Copy Share Image
“I took my pants off slowly, thinking if I did it too fast I’d possibly rip a hole in the center of… — Jarod Kintz Center of the universe Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to send a message. The quickest way to send it would be through the air, and it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat… — Jarod Kintz Every morning Copy Share Image
“The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being… — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“I’m a miner, and I’m always dirty, because I’m constantly digging. Am I shoveling for gold? Hardly. I’m unearthing this hearty land… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Call me paranoid, but the shape the human hand makes when extending out for a handshake looks suspiciously like a karate chop.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think we should change the amount of time in each day. Sunday thru Friday should be reduced from 24 hours down… — Jarod Kintz Friday Copy Share Image
“The shirt I have on today is the color of a banana, and tomorrow’s shirt will also be the color of a… — Jarod Kintz Tomorrow Copy Share Image
“Order for Jarod,” she said as I walked over to pick it up. This was it, this was my moment. Rebecca has… — Jarod Kintz Smile Copy Share Image
“I’m an artist. I’m a cave painter. Archaeologists and art critics of the future are going to call me a genius. They’re… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I always keep a spare set of keys in a spare set of pants that are folded up and stuffed in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At my ten-year high school reunion, I was voted best looking. Of course, there were two people in my high school, and… — Jarod Kintz Graduating class Copy Share Image
“This leather chair belongs to me. I would let you sit in it, but you can’t sit in an idea.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a responsibility as a human being to care for animals—including politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Life seems so am/pm. But really it’s not as balanced as all that.” — Jarod Kintz Balance Copy Share Image
“My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands.” — Jarod Kintz Girlfriend Copy Share Image
“If I had the word “war” in my last name, like “Flowar,” I’d probably be a peaceful guy.” — Jarod Kintz Peace Copy Share Image
“Amy, she’s got a memory like an elephant, and a body like a meow.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“Nine out of ten Jarod Kintzes agree that there is only one Jarod Kintz.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
