“The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness. ” — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call me. A lot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A one-winged bird does not fly south for the winter. It flies south, west, north, and east, over and over. That’s how… — Jarod Kintz Bird Copy Share Image
“I’m a Colorado boy at heart, even though my surrounding body is like the landmass containing the encircling 47 states. But I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ” — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.” — Jarod Kintz Competition Copy Share Image
“When 100 people in a room are all talking about me, is it called networking—or the benefits of cloning?” — Jarod Kintz Cloning Copy Share Image
“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I’m building a hot air balloon out of my love for you. I’m starting with the hot air, and then I’m going… — Jarod Kintz Balloon Copy Share Image
“There are going to be a lot of eyes on this year's annual Blindfold Convention. People always want to watch what they… — Jarod Kintz Blindfold Copy Share Image
“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the… — Jarod Kintz Best time Copy Share Image
“I like transparent boxes, so would-be thieves can see what’s inside. Deception by invisibility—the walls are invisible, and that makes the contents… — Jarod Kintz Invisibility Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What… — Jarod Kintz Lies Copy Share Image
“I could be the best lover you’ll ever have. Maybe not the best in bed, but I could be the best conversationalist.… — Jarod Kintz Sexuality Copy Share Image
“This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head. Do you disagree? Fine, then when you’re… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The office is painted with green and red stripes. It’s not painted that way so my mom can experience Christmas 364 more… — Jarod Kintz Christmas Copy Share Image
“I’ll buy your product and then return your product, and tell you to keep my money, so it feels more like a… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“By brother is so young that to this day he still doesn’t exist.” — Jarod Kintz Brother Copy Share Image
“I am not a professionally trained professional. I am an amateur professional!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My beard has started growing a beard of its own, and I’m stuck having to take it for a walk.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.” — Jarod Kintz Desire Copy Share Image
“I’m in danger of losing my job as official scribe to my inner voice.” — Jarod Kintz Inner voice Copy Share Image
“I feel like having another thigh and calf would give me a leg up on my competition.” — Jarod Kintz Sports Copy Share Image
“Don’t expect my hand to extend out of her vagina and accept the charity of strangers.” — Jarod Kintz Generosity Copy Share Image
“I am submitting two pieces to be excluded in your show. Thank you for your inconsideration.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At their core, things are essentially good. Except apples. At their core, they are trash.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like the name Lola, because it has LOL in the beginning.” — Jarod Kintz Beginning Copy Share Image
“You’ll drown in my love story, if I ever write it using a fountain pen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.” — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
