“The old me is younger than the me now. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I got shingles from my ex girlfriend. But that’s to be expected, since she is a roofer.” — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“The door of love is squeaky. Would you mind oiling it on your way out?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The number I had for her didn’t work. But in this depression, could you blame it?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“More than anything, I just want to be somebody. Somebody like my own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“A brick could be affixed to the collar of my shirt, because I’ve already got the weight of the world on my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I dove in feet first. I like to dive in feet before I dive in hands, because I don’t like feeling like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to do something different, and make a difference in people’s lives. If everyone jumps off a bridge, I’ll be the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say eek to Zeke Ekez, the imaginary palindrome politician of my dreams. He looks like me, talks like me, and thinks… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“He has wisdom beyond his years. He’s 87-years-old, and he’s at least as wise as an 88-year-old.” — Jarod Kintz Wisdom Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. A brick is just another obstacle they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I'm the only person I know who has slept through a fire drill. Apparently, I pulled the alarm. Yeah, I sleepwalk. Sometimes… — Jarod Kintz Boston marathon Copy Share Image
“The tire left a skid mark on the road that looked like a mustache. So I shaved it off the pavement, stuffed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a gift that costs nothing to give. Love is also the most valuable thing in the world. Think about that… — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“When you are the designated buyer, ask for more money than the item costs, so when you spend less people will be… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You need skills to be good at homesteading. You need farming, carpentry, and above all, you need to be able to impersonate… — Jarod Kintz Absurd Copy Share Image
“A brick could be carried to the beach. You can bring your laptop or tablet and work from anywhere in the world,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I do every other every other. That’s how thoroughly unthorough I am.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I miss my ex girlfriend a lot. But at least I’m getting to be a better shot.” — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.” — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“I was an at-risk youth. I was in danger of becoming an adult.” — Jarod Kintz Becoming an adult Copy Share Image
“There’s a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine.” — Jarod Kintz Grapevine Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to steal 100 years. If I get caught, it’ll be the trial of the century.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.” — Jarod Kintz Lips Copy Share Image
“I tried being 29, and it worked for about a year, but finally I just had to get rid of it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.” — Jarod Kintz Evil Copy Share Image
“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Artists have to have a good eye. And to be great, I'd recommend having two.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“We should kill the future, so the present has no choice but to retreat into the past.” — Jarod Kintz Future Copy Share Image
